I could have written about sex on a balcony in Jamaica, but I think it was dark and anyway I was concentrating more on his cock than the view. Ditto Hawaii and in California (It would seem I have a fetish, or at least a substantive habit of sex on balconies).
I thought about trying my hand at erotica, but well, when you’ve had the sort of week where you write “I will not fucking kill this goddamn client” repeatedly in your log book, you aren’t so much in the mood to write erotica.
This morning, (while carefully not killing my goddamned client) I was listening to the Savage lovecast (Episode 504) and it’s a young man trying to figure out if he should come out to his conservative family.
And I remembered.
June of 2013. I was in Vancouver. A rather horrible sort of woman, the perpetual emotional vampire who gets her sick kicks out of controlling and escalating situations so she can go and save them, told me that my eldest nephew was gay.
I went back to my hotel astounded and heartsick.
Not because he was gay. I didn’t give a flying fuck about that.
I was fucking heart sick because he had eaten so many meals, come by for so many talks, my front door had banged open and closed so often with him and why couldn’t he tell us? What on earth would hold him back?
I laid awake – staring at this. A city view of lights, all those windows, all those lives.
Inscrutable. Unknowing and unknown.
We think it’s possible to know something, really know it. We think because we stare at it long enough, because it’s a familiar view, we really know it.
All those windows opening on to all those lives. I watched them out of a hotel room for a better part of the year. I know none of those people. I only knew the view.
Familiarity is not the same as knowing.
Eventually he told us. We hugged him and told him he was loved and asked if he would bring his boyfriend along to dinner. The boyfriend still comes to dinner.
There’s a LGBTQ Ally sticker on my front door.
It tells others that I am a safe space.
It reminds me that a view into a world is not the same as knowing it.